♥ share your feeling ...

I hate you.
I hate you both.
I hate him for not being there when I needed him
I hate her for leaving
I hate her for her bullshit
I hate him because he didn't experience it
Hate her for making us live with no lights, no hot water but she got new shoes ad hairdos and things
But her kids suffered in the end and struggled to maintain appearances
I hate her for lying
Hate him for not trying
He just let her leave with me
And15 years later, I feel as though I'm dying
Made myself sick from crying
All the while she's denying
That she has a problem with spending
Dear Lord where is my happy ending?
Hate him for being a "father" to others but not to me
Hate him for not making us a family
18 years to the day is when he reappeared
And created this fantasy
A D.U.I. got un-emancipated
In a jail cell he stood the day I graduated
Why are things so complicated?
My head is aching, I'm so frustrated
But one thing remains in a constant state
the neverending rememberance of my parental hate
I love them unconditionally
But their past transgressions still enrage me
I play the game of "what if"
But my optimism is shorlived
Because for every happy memory
There are twice as many sad one
Will my heart ever be unbroken?
thi is not self-pity
Just a cry for some release
that one day this parental anger will fade
And I can live with them in peace
But in the present lives my parents pas mistakes
And as long as the bad outweighs the good
Love for them will be conquered by my hate.

from my deepest heart ...